“He who thinks by the inch and talks by the yard deserves to be kicked by the foot.” Here are 40 Funny Confucius Quotes That Will Cheer You Up.
Confucius Quotes
1. “Man with no legs bums around.” - Confucius
2. “Man with one chopstick go hungry.” - Confucius
3. “Man who cut self while shaving, lose face.” - Confucius
4. “He who has a sharp tongue, cuts own throat.” - Confucius
5. “A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.” - Confucius
6. “Man who walk with nose in air very easy to hook.” - Confucius
7. “Man who jumps off cliff, jumps to conclusion!” - Confucius
8. “No husband ever been shot while he do dishes.” - Confucius
9. “Man who drop watch in whisky is wasting time.” - Confucius
10. “Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!” - Confucius
11. “A butler with no teeth is called an in-dentured servant.” - Confucius
12. “He who fish in other man’s well often catches crabs.” - Confucius
13. “Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters in his own hands.” - Confucius
Confucius Quotes
14. “If something happen but nobody post it on Facebook, did it really happen?” - Confucius
15. “Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.” - Confucius
16. “With great power comes great electricity bill.” - Confucius
17. “Crowded elevator smell different to midget.” - Confucius
18. “Man who gives up all hope of ever having a flat stomach will abdicate.” - Confucius
19. “I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.” - Confucius
20. “Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get tone of A flat miner.” - Confucius
21. “State of pregnancy exists when woman takes seriously something poked in fun.” - Confucius
22. “He who is stupid today is still stupid tomorrow.” - Confucius
23. “Steal a man’s wallet and he’ll be poor for a week. Teach hockey to his kids and he’ll be poor forever.” - Confucius
24. “He who stick head in open window get pane in neck.” - Confucius
25. “Man who give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach will abdicate.” - Confucius
26. “Don’t drink and park, accidents cause people.” - Confucius
Confucius Quotes
27. “Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get tone of A flat miner.” - Confucius
28. “When called an idiot sometimes is better to be quiet, than open mouth and remove all doubt.” - Confucius
29. “He who thinks only of number one must remember this number is next to nothing.” - Confucius
30. “War not determine who is right, war determine who is left.” - Confucius
31. “Man who put head on railroad track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache.” - Confucius
32. “Support bacteria — it’s the only culture some people have.” - Confucius
33. “Everyone has a photographic memory, some people just don’t have film!” - Confucius
34. “Man who have clear conscience usually have bad memory, too.” - Confucius
35. “Give man fish, feed him for a day. Teach man to fish, man build industry, and destroy ecosystem.” - Confucius
36. “Man who read woman like book, prefer braille!” - Confucius
37. “Man who shoot off mouth must expect to lose face.” - Confucius
38. “Man who get hit by car, get that run-down feeling.” - Confucius
39. “Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.” - Confucius
Confucius Quotes
40. “Woman who absentmindedly answer the door in her nightie is negligent.” - Confucius
41. “If you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient.” - Confucius
42. “Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted.” - Confucius
43. “Man who abuse his computer get bad bytes!” - Confucius
44. “Man who put on itchy sweater start every day from scratch.” - Confucius
45. “Man who does very little makes very few mistakes.” - Confucius
46. “Woman who come to bed wearing nothing but running shoes wants to have marathon session.” - Confucius
47. “Blind man who pees on electric fence will see the light.” - Confucius
48. “Husband who sleep on couch last night, have hard time today.” - Confucius
49. “Man who make mistake in elevator wrong on many levels.” - Confucius
50. “Marriage is like game of poker. You start with pair and end with full house.” - Confucius
51. “Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.” - Confucius
52. “Mummys who take vacation, will relax and unwind.” - Confucius