“Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it.” – Rebecca Johnson. Here are 40 Funny Money Quotes.

Funny Money Quotes

1. “Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.” — Satchel Paige

2. “I’m so naive about finances. Once when my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain: ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood.” — Brooke Shields

3. “They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it’s very busy when they have one” — Rita Rudner

4. “I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor: Rich is better” — Sophie Tucker

5. “I’m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.” — e e cummings

6. “I have never been in a situation where having money made it worse.” — Clinton Jones

7. “More and more these days I find myself pondering how to reconcile my net income with my gross habits.” — John Nelson

8. “I believe in the Golden Rule. The Man with the Gold, Rules.” — Mr. T

9. “It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.” — Kin Hubbard

10. “If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.” — J Paul Getty

Funny Money Quotes

11. “When you’ve got them by their wallets, their hearts and minds will follow.” — Fern Naito

12. “We didn’t actually overspend our budget. The allocation simply fell short of our expenditure.” — Keith Davis

13. From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she needs good looks, from 35 to 55 she needs a good personality, and from 55 on she needs cash — Sophie Tucker

14. “I was so poor growing up, if I wasn’t a boy, I’d have had nothing to play with.” — Rodney Dangerfield

15. “When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money.” — Artemus Ward

16. “A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.” —Franklin Jones

17. “What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.” — Henny Youngman

18. “Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy” — Steve Martin

19.  “Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die.” — Max Asnas

20. “A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain” — Robert Frost

Funny Money Quotes

21. “My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.” — Errol Flynn

22. “Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the ‘gotta have it’ scale” — Zig Ziglar

23. “There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one.” — Jack Yelton

24. “Money won’t make you happy… but everybody wants to find out for themselves” — Zig Ziglar

25. “The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.” — Frank Hubbard

26. “People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage.” — Doug Larson

27. “Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.” — Woody Allen

28. “If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one.” — George Gobel

29. “A bank book makes good reading – better than some novels” — Harry Lauder

30. “If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion.” — George Bernard Shaw

Funny Money Quotes

31. “Business, you know, may bring money, but friendship hardly ever does” — Jane Austen

32. “In spite of the cost of living, it’s still popular.” — Kathleen Norris

33. “Rise early, work hard, strike oil” — J. Paul Getty

34. “What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank?” — Bertolt Brecht

35. “It’s easy to meet expenses – everywhere we go, there they are.” — Anonymous

36. “Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money” — Jackie Mason

37. “Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don’t have for something they don’t need.” — Will Rogers

38. “If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars.” — J. Paul Getty

39. “The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.” — Brendan Behan

40. “It isn’t necessary to be rich and famous to be happy, it’s only necessary to be rich” — Alan Alda

Best Funny Money Quotes

“No one would remember the Good Samaritan if he’d only had good intentions – he had money, too.” — Margaret Thatcher
“Money is not the most important thing in the world, Love is. Fortunately, I love money” — Jackie Mason
“Somebody said to me, ‘But the Beatles were anti-materialistic.’ That’s a huge myth. John and I literally used to sit down and say, ‘Now, let’s write a swimming pool.'” — Paul McCartney

Ian Warner

About the author

I went from a broken leg to a 2012 Olympian. I have spent the last 15 years building positive habits as a track athlete and entrepreneur. I founded Habit Stacker and dedicated my life to helping people to develop winning habits. I have helped over 5,000 people...

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