“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” – Abraham Lincoln. Here are 36 Awesome Funny Quotes.
Funny Quotes
1. “A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.”– Zsa Zsa Gabor
2. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”– Zig Ziglar
3. “You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.”– Yogi Berra
4. “If you come to a fork in the road, take it.”– Yogi Berra
5. “Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.”– Yogi Berra
6. “Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.”– Yakov Smirnoff
7. “Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.”– Woody Allen
8. “I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.”– Woody Allen
9. “I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.”– Woody Allen
Funny Quotes
10. “You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.”– Winston Churchill
11. “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”– Winston Churchill
12. “A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”– Winston Churchill
13. “Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.”– William James
14. “When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”– Will Rogers
15. “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.”– Will Rogers
16. “Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”– Will Rogers
17. “Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.”– Wilhelm II
18. “My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.”– Walter Matthau
Funny Quotes
19. “A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.”– Walter Bagehot
20. “We are all here on earth to help others. What on earth the others are here for I don’t know.”– W. H. Auden
21. “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.”– W. C. Fields
22. “Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.”– W. C. Fields
23. “A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.”– W. C. Fields
24. “I hate women because they always know where things are.”– Voltaire
25. “Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do.”– Voltaire
26. “I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!”– Tom Lehrer
27. “Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults.”– Thomas Szasz
Funny Quotes
28. “It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.”– Thomas Sowell
29. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”– Thomas A. Edison
30. “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”– Thomas A. Edison
31. “If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.”– Theodore Roosevelt
32. “The world is a globe. The farther you sail, the closer to home you are.”– Terry Pratchett
33. “When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?'”– Sydney J. Harris
34. “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”– Steven Wright
35. “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”– Steven Wright
36. “The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”– Steven Wright