“Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.” — Michael Scott. Here are 36 Best The Office Quotes.

The Office Quotes

1. “There’s a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn’t that kind of the point?” – Pam Beesly

2. “I miss the days when there was only one party I didn’t want to go to.” – Ryan Howard

3. “I already won the lottery. I was born in the US of A baby. And as backup I have a Swiss passport.” – Creed Bratton

4. “And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.” – Michael Scott

5. “Close your mouth, sweetie. You look like a trout.” – Phyllis Lapin-Vance

6. “When you’re a kid, you assume your parents are soulmates. My kids are going to be right about that.” – Pam Beesley

7. “I want to be wine and dined and sixty nined.” – Kevin Malone

8. “I want you to rub butter on my foot…Pam, please? I have Country Crock.” — Michael Scott

9. “The people here are amazing debaters. I guess you can say they are master-baters.” – Kevin Malone

The Office Quotes

10. “Newsflash: You are not special.” – Stanley Hudson

11. “You guys I’m like really smart now. You don’t even know. You could ask me, Kelly what’s the biggest company in the world? And I’d be like, ‘blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah.’ Giving you the exact right answer.” — Kelly Kapoor

12. “I am a black belt in gift wrapping.” – Jim Halpert

13. “I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.” — Michael Scott

14. “If I had to, I could clean out my desk in five seconds, and nobody would ever know that I’d ever been here. And I’d forget, too.” – Ryan Howard

15. “If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn’t hear the other dead people.” – Dwight Schrute

16. “Besides having sex with men, I would say the Finer Things Club is the gayest thing about me.” – Oscar Martinez

17. “We have a gym at home. It’s called the bedroom.” – Phyllis Lapin-Vance

18. “I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.” – Michael Scott

The Office Quotes

19. “I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all and it’s terrible.” — Michael Scott

20. “I’m guessing Angela is the one in the neighborhood that gives the trick-or-treaters toothbrushes. Pennies. Walnuts.” – Pam Beesley

21. “Ultimatums are key. Basically nobody does anything for me anymore unless I threaten to kill myself.” — Kelly Kapoor

22. “Yes, I have a dream, and it’s not some MLK dream for equality. I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse. And I want to live at the top. And nobody knows I live there. And there’s a button that I can press, and launch that lighthouse into space.” – Stanley Hudson

23. “I love inside jokes. I’d love to be a part of one someday.” — Michael Scott

24. “I do not apologize unless I think I’m wrong, and if you don’t like it, you can leave.” – Stanley Hudson

25. “It’s like I used to tell my wife. I do not apologize unless I think I’m wrong, and if you don’t like it, you can leave. And I say the same thing to my current wife, and I’ll say it to my next one, too.” — Stanley Hudson

26. “I hate the idea that someone out there hates me. I even hate thinking that Al-Qaeda hates me. I think if they got to know me, they wouldn’t hate me.” – Pam Beesley

27. “I wake up every morning in a bed that’s too small, drive my daughter to a school that’s too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But on pretzel day? Well, I like pretzel day.” – Stanley Hudson

The Office Quotes

28. “As a person who buys a lot of erotic cakes, it’s nice to be represented on one.” – Phyllis Lapin-Vance

29. “I have decided that I’m going to be more honest. I’m gonna start telling people what I want, directly. So, look out world, ‘cuz ‘ol Pamy is gettin’ what she wants. And, don’t call me Pamy.” – Pam Beesley

30. “I wanted to eat a pig in a blanket, in a blanket.” – Kevin Malone

31. “Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it. The last person to do this disappeared. His name? Creed Bratton.” – Creed Bratton

32. “I find the mystery genre disgusting. I hate being titillated.” – Angela Martin

33. “Your body is a temple. You have to respect it. You can’t just wh**e it out.” – Angela Martin

34. “Sometimes I get so bored I just want to scream, and then sometimes I actually do scream. I just sort of feel out what the situation calls for.” — Kelly Kapoor

35. “I’ve been involved in a number of cults, both a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower, but you make more money as a leader.” – Creed Bratton

36. “Who says exactly what they’re thinking? What kind of a game is that?” — Kelly Kapoor

Best The Office Quotes

“I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hardly working.” — Michael Scott
“I have been trying to get on jury duty every year since I was 18 years old. To get to go sit it in an air-conditioned room, downtown, judging people, while my lunch is paid for … that is the life.” – Stanley Hudson
“Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That’s one of my mottos.” – Stanley Hudson

Ian Warmer

About the author

Ian Warner has spent over 15 years building positive habits as a track athlete. He went on to become an All-American sprinter at Iowa State, and he represented Canada at the 2012 Olympics. Ian founded Habit Stacker and dedicated his life to helping people to develop winning habits.

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